it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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