It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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