Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
