No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
