she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How naked do you want me to be?
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