Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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