I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
