Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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