Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize