He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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