Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
