At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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