somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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