The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize