man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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