It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
