I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
