sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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