his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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