I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
