Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
