He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
