Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
