you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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