i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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