Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
