just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
