just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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