Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
