if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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