Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
