I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
