I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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