He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
me + whiskey = a bad person
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
