Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
