We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
