Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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