So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
