Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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