how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
