This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
