my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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