I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
