I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
