i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
