So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
