He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
