He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
