I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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