I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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