I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I love how my cats smell like pot.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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