the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
where are my eyebrows?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
