yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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