u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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