I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
