is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
