Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize