So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
