Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
