I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
