Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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