Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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