I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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