my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize