Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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