guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
