I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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