I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
