he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
