D3 body, D1 cock
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
