you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
