i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
